Surviving the Fourth Trimester with a Second Child
Creating Family

Surviving the Fourth Trimester with a Second Child

October 19, 2018 / 48 Comments

Life sure has changed! Becoming a mother of two definitely has its challenges. There really isn’t much time to rest and take care of yourself. They don’t call it the fourth trimester for no reason, and it’s worse when you have another child to care for. You can’t sleep when the baby sleeps. Odds are that your older one will be awake at those times. When you can put your newborn down, your firstborn will want and need your attention. It is completely different than the first time around and is even more exhausting.

Surviving the Fourth Trimester with a Second Child

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The Fourth Trimester

These first few weeks as a mother of two has been difficult but it has also been absolutely wonderful. It is the most amazing thing to watch my first son (“D”) learn to be a good big brother. In order to make the most of this time, I have kept the time I spend cleaning to a minimum. My house may be a wreck and the laundry might be piling up, but I am enjoying every moment snuggling with my two boys. These precious first weeks are so sort and we will never get the time back, so why would I waste it cleaning?

Surviving the Fourth Trimester with a Second Child

When I do have to get something done, a baby carrier has been essential! I use my Boba wrap a lot around the house. It is easy to keep on so that I can put the baby in whenever I need. When we go out, the Ergo carrier is my favorite. These will continue to be useful beyond the fourth trimester as well.

The Difficulties

I’ll admit it hasn’t all been love and snuggles. My firstborn, D, is having some difficulty adjusting. D absolutely loves our new baby boy (“N”) and is always giving him hugs and kisses. However, it is apparent that there is some jealousy. When N cries, he gets immediate attention. If N gets hungry, I have to stop what I’m doing to nurse him. D sees this and it upsets him, especially if feeding time interrupts time I’m spending with him. It’s a big adjustment for him to go from the center or our world to sharing the spotlight with a needy newborn. No matter how much we prepared him, it was never going to be enough.

Read about how we prepared D to become an older sibling in my A Growing Family Series: Part 4.

Dealing with Jealousy

This jealousy has manifested itself as more tantrums and crying. Whenever it is naptime or bedtime, D starts crying and fighting it. He sees that N gets to stay downstairs and thinks that he is missing out on something. Once I finally manage to get him into his bed, we spend time talking about how mommy and daddy still love him. I tell him that having a new baby doesn’t change that. We talk about how N is a baby and that means that he needs some extra care. I’m hoping that with time, these talks will make a difference. In the meantime, I’m trying to give him as much love as I can to show him that he doesn’t need to cry to get attention.

This includes doing activities together, even when I’m nursing. Puzzles, magnetic building tiles, and stickers have been really helpful for these times.

Self-Care

Balancing a newborn and a toddler takes a lot of patience. With a lack of time for self-care, it can be hard to keep a level head. I’ve found it essential to optimize the little me time that I can find. It’s the simple things. Making time to eat a good breakfast and drink some coffee, even if I have to re-heat it 100 times. Taking a shower, at least making sure I don’t go TOO long without one. Even just sitting down and watching a tv show that I want to watch. These simple things can do wonders for renewing yourself and recharging your patience.

Surviving the Fourth Trimester with a Second Child

Team No Sleep

Taking care of yourself is so important, especially because you simply don’t get enough sleep. No matter what, with a newborn in the house, you will be lacking in this department. My dad has described this better than anyone. He told me that exhaustion becomes a way of life. With two kids, this statement is even more accurate. It is amazing how used to it you can get. The only thing you can do is get sleep when you are able, push through the exhaustion, and remember that it will end. The fourth trimester is temporary and your baby will sleep through the night eventually, which means so will you. In the mean time, enjoy watching your kids play and interact with each other. It is the cutest thing in the world!

Surviving the Fourth Trimester with a Second Child

A Complete Family

My dad has said many things about parenting that I have learned to be true. Most recently, it has been the way he described the feelings after the birth of my second child. It’s a sense that our family is complete. We went from a couple with a child, to a family. I’m not saying that these feelings can’t be achieved with only one child. It may take more than two to get the feeling that your family is complete. For me, the feeling came as soon as I saw my second baby boy for the first time. My family is whole. My family is complete. Despite the challenges of the fourth trimester, I am truly happy.

Surviving the Fourth Trimester with a Second Child

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Lucy At Home UK gentle parenting blogger