Surviving the Fourth Trimester with a Second Child
Life sure has changed! Becoming a mother of two definitely has its challenges. There really isn’t much time to rest and take care of yourself. They don’t call it the fourth trimester for no reason, and it’s worse when you have another child to care for. You can’t sleep when the baby sleeps. Odds are that your older one will be awake at those times. When you can put your newborn down, your firstborn will want and need your attention. It is completely different than the first time around and is even more exhausting.
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The Fourth Trimester
These first few weeks as a mother of two has been difficult but it has also been absolutely wonderful. It is the most amazing thing to watch my first son (“D”) learn to be a good big brother. In order to make the most of this time, I have kept the time I spend cleaning to a minimum. My house may be a wreck and the laundry might be piling up, but I am enjoying every moment snuggling with my two boys. These precious first weeks are so sort and we will never get the time back, so why would I waste it cleaning?
When I do have to get something done, a baby carrier has been essential! I use my Boba wrap a lot around the house. It is easy to keep on so that I can put the baby in whenever I need. When we go out, the Ergo carrier is my favorite. These will continue to be useful beyond the fourth trimester as well.
The Difficulties
I’ll admit it hasn’t all been love and snuggles. My firstborn, D, is having some difficulty adjusting. D absolutely loves our new baby boy (“N”) and is always giving him hugs and kisses. However, it is apparent that there is some jealousy. When N cries, he gets immediate attention. If N gets hungry, I have to stop what I’m doing to nurse him. D sees this and it upsets him, especially if feeding time interrupts time I’m spending with him. It’s a big adjustment for him to go from the center or our world to sharing the spotlight with a needy newborn. No matter how much we prepared him, it was never going to be enough.
Read about how we prepared D to become an older sibling in my A Growing Family Series: Part 4.
Dealing with Jealousy
This jealousy has manifested itself as more tantrums and crying. Whenever it is naptime or bedtime, D starts crying and fighting it. He sees that N gets to stay downstairs and thinks that he is missing out on something. Once I finally manage to get him into his bed, we spend time talking about how mommy and daddy still love him. I tell him that having a new baby doesn’t change that. We talk about how N is a baby and that means that he needs some extra care. I’m hoping that with time, these talks will make a difference. In the meantime, I’m trying to give him as much love as I can to show him that he doesn’t need to cry to get attention.
This includes doing activities together, even when I’m nursing. Puzzles, magnetic building tiles, and stickers have been really helpful for these times.
Self-Care
Balancing a newborn and a toddler takes a lot of patience. With a lack of time for self-care, it can be hard to keep a level head. I’ve found it essential to optimize the little me time that I can find. It’s the simple things. Making time to eat a good breakfast and drink some coffee, even if I have to re-heat it 100 times. Taking a shower, at least making sure I don’t go TOO long without one. Even just sitting down and watching a tv show that I want to watch. These simple things can do wonders for renewing yourself and recharging your patience.
Team No Sleep
Taking care of yourself is so important, especially because you simply don’t get enough sleep. No matter what, with a newborn in the house, you will be lacking in this department. My dad has described this better than anyone. He told me that exhaustion becomes a way of life. With two kids, this statement is even more accurate. It is amazing how used to it you can get. The only thing you can do is get sleep when you are able, push through the exhaustion, and remember that it will end. The fourth trimester is temporary and your baby will sleep through the night eventually, which means so will you. In the mean time, enjoy watching your kids play and interact with each other. It is the cutest thing in the world!
A Complete Family
My dad has said many things about parenting that I have learned to be true. Most recently, it has been the way he described the feelings after the birth of my second child. It’s a sense that our family is complete. We went from a couple with a child, to a family. I’m not saying that these feelings can’t be achieved with only one child. It may take more than two to get the feeling that your family is complete. For me, the feeling came as soon as I saw my second baby boy for the first time. My family is whole. My family is complete. Despite the challenges of the fourth trimester, I am truly happy.
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48 Comments
Dennis
Great post! I love the Fourth Trimester idea. So often we forget that life goes on after the birth.
Kat
Yes! Thank you for your words.
Nicki
Congratulations!! Sending hugs and energy your way!
Kat
Thank you!
T.M. Brown
I’m the mother of three boys ~ can you believe I never heard it to refer to as the “fourth trimester”? It totally makes sense, of course. Congrats on your growing family and here’s hoping those two develop a very special bond.
Kat
Thank you so much!
Carmen
Great tips! Sounds like you’re doing great! Hope you enjoy this time with your little ones as much as you can!
Kat
Thank you!
Shirley Florence
I remember how hard it was when I had my second child. Its a big adjustment that’s for sure. I survived because my mom lived close by. Hang in there!! Looks like you are doing a fantastic job.
Kat
Thank you so much!
Susan Franklin
I only had 1 daughter and that was 34 years ago…. it was a challenge especially when I had to work FT. I can imagine how challenging it must be with 2 little ones. It sounds like you have a great perspective and I love how you are ministering to “D” as he tries to adjust to the changes. I chuckled over not waiting TOO long for the shower! It’s really important for your family that you do practice self-care. They need you and your rest is important! Best to you through your 4th trimester!
Kat
Thank you! It’s hard but I’m trying to remember myself!
Laura
Love this article! Fourth trimester is so important! Most people underestimate the struggles postpartum. Thanks for sharing!
Kat
Thank you! I think we pass up on caring for mothers as soon as the baby is born and it’s important to remember we still need care!
Jennifer Morrison
This is a wonderful look at this point in your life. I remember knowing exactly when my family was complete. It was a good feeling.
Kat
Thank you and it really is a good feeling.
Dawnmarie @ EnjoyingtheDays
First, I do not know what a fourth trimester is. That aside, congratulations on your new baby. Be sure to follow your own advice and remember that self care. 😉
Kat
Thank you. The “forth trimester” is the newborn stage. It’s a reference to how it’s just as wearing on the body as pregnancy!
Cindy
I remember that time well, with my first two 18 months apart. I was so excited on the day they BOTH went down for a nap at the same time. You have the right attitude. The time goes by quickly. Enjoy those babies!
Kat
Thank You! It’s a tough time, but important to slow down and enjoy the snuggles!
Kathryn at QuestFor47
Great tips! I don’t have kids, but I know my sister had to deal with this when she had her second. Definitely some jealousy involved.
Kat
Yes. It’s a whole new ball game with two.
Janine
Congrats on the baby! I have a daughter who is just about to turn 1 and I can’t even imagine bringing a second one into the mix.
Kat
It’s crazy and overwhelming, but totally worth it.
Stacey
I know it’s not easy! Hang in there. You’re doing a great job. My youngest is nine now, and I remember discovering carriers. I didn’t know how I got through my first without one!
Kat
I love my carriers! I have three of them for different situations!
Michele Vadnais
I remember those days! You are right, you just make the most of the moments and don’t sweat the small stuff. It will still be there later!
Kat
Thank You!
Brittany
Thank you thank you for being so honest! I only have one child, but I cannot imagine how much life would change if I had another.
Kat
It’s completely different, but I do love it.
Rachel Newlon
I feel your pain! My youngest two are 11 months apart!
Kat
oh boy! I can’t imagine!
Sandi Barrett
Congrats on the family addition. I remember just trying to brush my teeth was a challenge. Good news is it will get better and be great!
Kat
Thank you. I’m still just hoping for a little sleep now. Haha
Ramae
Oh, I remember those days so well! Luckily, my oldest was still taking daily naps when her younger sister came along, so I still got to sleep during the day, and it saved me. The girls are now 21 and 18. Times goes so fast. Enjoy every moment!
Kat
My older one naps as well, but baggy doesn’t want to while he does so no daytime naps for mom…
Junell DuBois
Oh I remember those days! The good news is, the 4th trimester doesn’t last long. Soon enough you’ll be in a good groove and baby and big bro will be best buddies!
Kat
thanks. They definitly love each other
Leigh Ann
I love your title – The fourth trimester because it’s so true. Just because baby is here doesn’t mean the work is over. In fact, it’s just beginning. Thanks for sharing your perspective on it!
Kat
Yes. It is really hard and important to recognize that
Pauline
I think self care is the most important part. We can’t take care of others if we can’t take care of ourselves. Finding time for that for moms is hard but so worth it.
Kat
Yes. Can’t pour from an empty cup!
jen
My father always says parenthood is not for the faint of heart. 🙂 It can be overwhelming but then they smile and everything is worth it. Also… there is coffee…
Kat
Yes!!! Coffee is my best friend. Haha
Katie
Great post that I can tell was written from the heart! I can only imagine how difficult it is for your oldest to have to share his mom now but the pictures of them playing together are precious!
Kat
Thank you! Watching them together has totally been worth it all.
Holly Bird
Great tips!! It is so hard to handle a new baby! But when there are other children in the home it can be truly overwhelming! Congratulations!
Kat
Thank you and it ready can be overwhelming. Watching their binge grow has been worth it though!