A Growing Family Part 4 – Preparing an Older Sibling
Having a second child is a major change in the dynamics of a family. An only child is becoming a sibling, going from being the center of attention and having to share the love and attention of their parents. This can be a huge adjustment for them. It’s important to make sure that they don’t end up feeling forgotten with a new baby around. With proper preparation, it is possible to ease this transition and begin forming the strong bond between siblings that parents dream of.
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I put a lot of thought into this as soon as my husband and I decided to try for a second child. We both always wanted two children, as then they have a playmate to grow up with, but I knew it would take a lot of work. I have been home with my son for the majority of his life and he isn’t used to needing to share me. He is used to being the center of my world. Now, a second boy is entering the picture and my son will be learning to share his mommy.
Start Early
I started preparing him as soon as we started trying for a second baby by getting books to read. There are so many great big brother/sister books that explain the joys of a growing family. Reading these books early on is a great way to prepare. Getting several different books that you can alternate and read often is the best way to start getting them used to the idea that a baby will be entering the picture soon. Use these books as a way to open up the topic and talk about babies constantly.
There is a great series of four books by Rachel Fuller that covers everything from pregnancy to life with a new baby. These books are a great way to introduce every stage and is gender neutral so that the same books can be used whether your toddler is becoming a brother or a sister.
Phrases to Use
- You’re going to be a big brother/sister!
- Are you excited to be a big brother/sister?
- Your baby brother/sister is in mommy’s tummy!
- Where is your baby brother/sister? (direct them to point at mommy’s belly)
- Do you want to give your baby brother/sister a kiss? (again directing them to kiss mommy’s tummy)
- Do you know your baby brother/sister’s name? (if you know it, teaching them the name can help it seem more real and sink in that baby is a real person)
Let Them Help
Allow them to help with anything they can. The nursery is the perfect place to practice this. They can help you unpack their old clothes, handing them to you as you sort them and put them away. If you need to paint, have them help! Like most help from a toddler, it might not actually be THAT helpful. Allowing them the chance to try is important so they feel like they have been a part of the process. It also opens up the chances for more conversations as you explain why you need certain items.
Involving a toddler in your own preparation is such a great way to get more done and take advantage of all the teachable moments that arise. If you plan to do meal prep, you can have them help pour ingredients into a bag while explaining that these are meals you will eat as a family later. When you put together the crib, they can hand you the screws as you explain that the baby will sleep there. Completing these tasks together will ease frustration for everyone, which is always a good thing since less frustration means fewer temper tantrums!
Once the new baby arrives, an older sibling can continue to help, even with diaper changes! Find out how!
Using a Doll
We made the big announcement about my pregnancy to our families on his second birthday by giving him a Water Baby doll as a present. Having a doll, he could start learning how to hold a baby. We also used this doll as a tool to explain how he needs to be gentle with babies because they are small and fragile. The water baby doll is specifically made to feel like holding a real baby which made it perfect for this purpose.
Once the new baby arrives, this doll will come in handy as well. Toddlers love to be helpful, but with a new baby, this can be problematic. Having their own doll they can copy how you care for the baby instead of trying to help at inappropriate times like feeding and bathing. There are so many doll accessories that you can get to help with this as well like a bottle to “feed” their doll.
A Gift for Baby from Sibling
When it’s coming close to time for the new baby to make their arrival, take your first born to a store and have them pick out a gift to give at the hospital. A lovey would be perfect. This also teaches them about sharing with their new sibling. It’s such a great way to begin the bonding process.
I took my son to Build-A-Bear so that he could make a bear to give to his new little brother. He picked out a bear, stuffed and dressed it. It was a great experience and he really enjoyed it. I will admit since this was his first time going to Build-A-Bear, he became very attached to the bear he made.
We ended up picking out a WubbaNub pacifier for him to give to his baby brother instead. He loved that bear so much that I didn’t have it in me to take it away!
A Gift from Baby to Sibling
Doing this was really important to me. The first few days are going to be the hardest for the older sibling. All the focus is on mom and the new baby. It will be easy for them to start feeling forgotten, which is exactly what I want to avoid. Having a new toy that will be a “gift from the baby” will help to distract them while at the hospital and begin forming the sibling bond. It needs to be something small enough to transport, give, and play with at the hospital.
The gift should also be related to something that they will really love. The point is to have the gift make them start to love their new sibling, so make it special. For example, my son is really into Toy Story right now. It’s perfect that they make actual toy versions on both Woody and Buzz Lightyear!
Other Ideas
- If they are into Unicorns
- If they are into Sesame Street
- If they are into Mickey/Minnie Mouse
- If they are into Daniel Tiger
- If they are into Paw Patrol
Plan a Weekend Trip
Before the new baby arrives, plan a small family vacation. It will be the last big thing you will do as a family of 3. The point of this is to try and make lasting memories and spend time together before the craziness begins. When my family had this weekend, it was so great to get away and just focus on my son for a couple of days without worrying about anything. Get away from all the preparation and cleaning. Take a break and relax. It was one last getaway where he was the center of attention and it was so much fun!
I recommend making this trip something special. We went to Strasburg, PA because they have a lot of activities revolving around trains (which my son loves). To read more about our trip, stay tuned for A Growing Family Part 5!
Also, don’t forget to read the rest of my “A Growing Family” series:
Part 1: Baby #2 To-Do List
Part 2: Supplies for Baby #2
Part 3: Preparing Your Dog
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46 Comments
Karen Morse
I love that idea about getting a doll that they can take care of so they have an idea of what it’s like to have another baby in the family. These are all great tips especially for parents thinking about giving their only child a sibling!
Kat
Thank you so much!
Heather
I remember preparing when each of my girls was born. It was so much fun to read them different books and have them practice with their baby dolls.
Kat
I agree! It’s a lot of fun watching him practice!
Alvin
Wonderful suggestion. We also had our eldest daughter help when her sister was still a baby.
Kat
Thank you
ANOSA MALANGA
Reading this makes me smile and somehow my heart melts. Congratulations and good to know you are preparing your kids for the new member of the family.
Kat
Thank you!
Kita Bryant
Gosh that is such an amazing adventure! Not every family goes through this and if they do, it is always different! Cute ideas!
Kat
Thank you.
Heather
I know that when we brought a new baby home that my oldest who was almost potty trained went backwards and we had to re-teach things because he was jealous of the baby. We tried to have him be a good helper and we gave him a gift from little brother to big brother, but inevitably the jealous nature of siblings prevails. These are great tips though and we definitely did a few of these.
Kat
I’m worried about the potty training since my son hasn’t grasped it 100%. I figured if anything, doing all this preparation will help reduce the jealousy since at least it won’t be a surprise.
Laura Dove
Preparing older siblings for a baby can be tough but I think involving them in the process is so important. I was lucky that at 4, 5 and 6 my youngest three never knew a life before each other, where as my eldest son is 14!
Kat
It is very different when a child is that much older!
Natalie
I like that you prepare your child so early on. Books are definitely a good idea, so is a gift to their new sibling.
Kat
Thank you.
swathi
These are great suggestions, Yes, still some sibling envy will be there because one day the little one is taking all the comfort they used to get it.
Kat
Yes, I’m expecting that. Hopefully our preparation will help reduce it.
Paula Schuck
These are excellent tips. I did a few of these when we adopted our second daughter. My older girl was super thrilled with her new sibling. That lasted about until the youngest started rolling across the room to grab her toys. LOL.
Kat
It’s a whole new game then! HAHA
Sarah Bailey
These sound like some lovely ideas to help to try and get siblings used to the idea of a new addition before they are welcomed into the family.
Kat
Thank you.
Ronnie
Brilliant idea to use a baby doll to prepare the older sibling! It’s a great way for them to learn to be careful with the baby and understand how to hold them. We will use this great tip in the near future.
Kat
Thanks! It has been great to use that. Also, I know it’ll help once the baby is actually here so he can copy me without getting in the way.
Pam
These are all good ideas. When my daughter was getting ready for her little brother, we took her to a “sibling class” so she got a chance to see the hospital. And we read lots of books about new baby brothers. 🙂
Kat
I love the idea of that sibling class! They don’t have anything like that at my hospital.
Terri Steffes
I love these adorable ideas. My mom just showed up with this wiggly thing and told me to love it! Ha! but I do!!
Kat
Thanks!
Amber Myers
These are some great ideas! When my daughter was born, we prepared our son. It was tricker since he had autism, but we basically told him he could leave the room if she started to cry since he hates loud noises. He was basically over having her in the house after day 1, but it eventually worked out.
Kat
I’m glad it worked out. I can imagine that it is tougher with an autistic child.
Gisele
Things have changed so much over the years. When I was young no one discussed how the existing child would deal with a new baby. I’m glad we’re becoming more sensitive to children’s feelings.
Kat
I actually got some of these ideas from my parents and in-laws! It is talked about a lot more now though.
Jeanette
These are definitely some awesome suggestions. It is definitely adjustment four a child to learn how to share the attention they have had for so long of their parents. My nephew has had issues sharing attention with his sister.
Kat
I’m hoping my son adjusts well. It’s a tough time.
candy
Our oldest was excited when his baby brother came home. We included him and talked about the new baby all the time. Plus many friends has babies so he interacted with them as well.
Kat
That’s great. My son has had limited interaction, so even with the preparation, I’m a little nervous. He isn’t used to sharing me!
Melisa from Crushing Motherhood
This post is amazing! I especially love those cute t-shirts!
Kat
Thank you!
Kaila
Great list of ideas!! Like you mentioned just constantly talking to the older sibling about the up coming change really helped up! Such great ideas!
Kat
Thank you! I’m hoping he’ll be good when baby arrives is less than 3 weeks.
Maria
Wonderful suggestions! I totally agree with the books and letting Big sibling help with preparations. Thanks for sharing!!
Kat
Thank you! I’m glad you liked it!
Megan
You provide great suggestions! This is a great resource for parents who are thinking about expanding their family. I love the idea of having gifts for each other, very cute.
Kat
Thank you! It’s all I think about with baby #2 due in less than 3 weeks.
Rachael Windemuller
These are great suggestions. We ended up letting our oldest name our 4th because she was having such a hard time with it.
Kat
That’s such a cute idea!