School 2020: First Day Emotions | Califf Life Creations

Back to school 2020 was chaotic, to say the least. There was a waiting game of “will they, won’t they” open for the year and what will it look like? Parents stressed over virtual learning and the decisions of whether to homeschool. I thought I was so lucky to have my oldest be young enough that we weren’t thinking about primary school yet. He attends a nature school and so with a few extra precautions and moving the classes entirely outside, they were prepared. What I didn’t expect, was the flood of mixed emotions on the first day of school.

I spent so much time explaining drop-off to my son and how it would be different. We went over the morning over and over. I told him that I wouldn’t be able to walk him into his classroom.

School 2020 Drop-off Procedure

He would have to get out of the car and go over to his teacher on his own. They take his temperature with a contact-free thermometer and help him sanitize his hands. Then, he gathers with his class under a tent while they wait to start class. He understood the process and was ready. When it was our turn, he jumped out and ran to his class, filled with excitement.

That’s when it hit me.

I didn’t expect to get emotional but watching him handle wearing a mask and all these extra safety precautions made him seem so grown up. It was the culmination of months of worry and stress bubbling to the surface. I was filled with pride and wonder at his adaptability.

I realized that this doesn’t seem strange to him. What seems like a big deal to me is just normal to him. All he cares about is that he can go play with his friends and learn again. He doesn’t know any different. At first, that saddened me.

Then, I thought about it.

This time is showing us the resilience of our children. Their adaptability and their strength. Issues that adults struggle with, they accept without question. They aren’t scared of wearing the masks, it is just part of life. That isn’t a bad attitude to have.

Once again, I was filled with pride.

My youngest struggled on the first day of school 2020.

He only remembers the days of everyone being home and then, within a week, we did a complete 360 with my husband back at work and school starting. As his brother jumped out of the car with excitement, N cried thinking he was leaving them. Their bond grew so strong during these months of quarantine and now he has to learn to be separate.

D had trouble separating from his brother as well, but his excitement for school shadowed his desire to bring his brother with him.

My own mixed emotions on the first day of school 2020

While I was filled with love and pride, I also felt like O was mourning something. Like I had lost something. I was grieving the end of summer. The end of our big family hikes with N riding on my back and D sandwiched between my husband and me on the trail. I’m sad to see that season of our lives ending. This was a feeling I had been working through for the past week.

At drop-off on that first day of school 2020, I was hit with another wave of grief that took me by surprise. An important part of the preschool experience was sacrificed in the name of safety. I’m talking about the 5-10 minutes of parents hanging out waiting for the classroom door to open.

It was time to get to know other parents and by extension, other kids in the class. This year, I feel so disconnected from the class without this short time that parents got to socialize.

Preschool is a time when kids get to meet friends and we all focus on that. We have been so focused on their emotional and social well-being that I forgot to think about my own.

I worked so hard to prepare my son for back to school 2020 that I didn’t think to prepare myself. The emotions took me by surprise. I had to come up with creative solutions so that I could move past the feelings of missing out. For me, this is taking the form of reaching out to parents in his class to try and form a small social group to meet up and either go for a small hike or have an outdoor picnic. I think it is important for parents for preschool-aged kids to feel some sort of connection with each other. In 2020, we just have to work a little harder to feel that.

So, I wanted to reach out to you and say to give yourself some grace during school 2020. We are all handling this school year the best that we know how to and that is enough. Allow yourself to mourn the way school used to go and then move forward to tackle this new year together.